"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay
down his life for his friends."
This statement of Jesus from John 15 has become so
familiar that it's easy to miss what's really being said. In context it is saying that
there is no greater kind of love than friendship. Not brotherly, or sisterly, or parental
or devotional or altruistic love. Friendship tops them all. The rest of the chapter
contains equally important and related statements that are seldom quoted:
This is my commandment, that ye love one another as I
have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his
friends. Ye are my friends ... Henceforth I call you not servants, for the servant knoweth
not what his lord doeth; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard
of my father I have made known unto you.
This is a relationship of equals, the highest form of
love that Jesus can offer his disciples. It is also worth noting that at other times when
Jesus greets someone, even Judas, it is as "Friend." Never as Brother or Sister,
for instance. As a matter of fact, Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loveth at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity." But, of course, if a brother is also a friend,
that changes everything.
A couple of other things worth noting from the Bible:
Exodus 33:11 says "And the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto
his friend." And in the Book of James it says that Abraham was called the
"Friend of God."
Obviously this term was used on purpose to convey a very
high kind of mutual love. Psychological studies of happiness shows that happiness is
mostly attained by people with at least one close relationship and a circle of supporting
friends. A peculiarity in the study was that soap opera buffs tended to rank higher in
happiness than non-buffs, and it has been suggested that the buffs think of the actors as
their friends. The friends don't have to be people, either. Studies show that people with
pets as friends tend to be not only happier, but healthier.
Is there a difference between friendship and love?
Probably not. In Middle English the word "friend" means "lover," and
it stems from a word in Old Gothic meaning "to love." If anything, it implies a
deeper kind of love, one that goes beyond obligation.
Hawaiians have many terms for "friend" that
signify varying degrees and types of friendship. Hoaloha (beloved companion), for example,
is a general term for friend. Makamaka (face to face) is a friend with whom you share
freely. Aikane (probably "dependable") is a close, personal friend of the same
sex. Pilialoha (sticky love) is a romantic friend.
"The only way to have a friend is to
be one."
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
But many people have trouble making friends because they
don't know how to be one. Think of these as guidelines to help remember how to be a
friend:
| F |
Freedom |
give
up control |
| R |
Respect |
respect
your differences |
| I |
Interest |
take
an interest in your friend's interests |
| E |
Equality |
treat
your friend like an equal |
| N |
Nurture |
nurture
your friend's best qualities |
| D |
Devotion |
be
loyal and helpful whenever, wherever, and for as long as you can |
Pili kau, pili ho'oilo
"Together in the dry season, together in the wet season."
